That's what I am right now.
Just going through the motions.
Creating this slideshow.
Drowning in music.
Looking at old pictures.
Stirring up old memories that had long been tucked away.
Emotions begin to surface.
Talking to my mom.
Laughing with my brother.
Anxiously awaiting to get on the plane.
Just to hold my mommy again.
To sit in that house I grew up in.
Listen to the stillness of the house.
Reuniting with my family.
One half sister.
Family flying in.
Sit beside the ocean.
Listening to the waves crashing.
Like I used to.
To my daddy.
Who lived an exceptionally long life.
Good life. He had a good life.
That's what I am right now.
A sense of humor only a mom could love. He really is, his "mama's boy." He and I just get one another. We laugh at the same things, we finish each other's sentences, and yes we get on one another's nerves.
We did a lot of running around today. One stop was to the immunization clinic. Mind you, my oldest is deathly afraid of needles (kind of like dad!) We check in, the receptionist looks over the records and confirms that only Caelan and Isabel needs shots, not Ethan. (Dun, dun, dun) Ethan smiles this big smile, looks over at his big brother, and says "I told you, I'm invincible!" My oldest, stands up abruptly, and says "What! I think he should look at that list again, I think he got it wrong!"
Then he goes on for 10 minutes (just before we were called) on how he should probably bequeath all his assets. (Which made me laugh hysterically!) He then proceeded to say his "farewells" to us, to the people next to him, and basically to all man-kind. Then in sheer desperation, he then whispered to Isabel, on how he came up with the perfect escape plan, which included yelling "fire".
On the other hand, Isabel was a bit more promising then her oldest brother. She sat there trying to convince him that he will be okay... and that if he does it he can go to school. (That's my explanation for her shots, so she could go to school) Of course, he says, "Isabel, I hate to break it to you, and I wasn't plan on telling you this now, but school isn't all it's cracked up to be" Isabel says, "Crack? No, you can't break school, it's going to be fun! (She's already so optimistic!)
Oh gosh, my kids are so funny! I just have to remind myself to take the time and listen to them! Alright, just more stuff crossed off on my list of Things To Do Before We Go To Hawaii.
(my thoughts while I was in Chicago, written in the warmth of the sun, next to the pool!)
For 5 days, it felt like I stepped out of my life and walked into another. The life I imagined if I didn't have children, the life I imagined if I chose another path.. and the scary part is... it was nice. Now, don't start making assumptions that I am unhappy. Which I will gladly say.. I love the life I have, especially with the man I've chosen to spend the rest of it with... But after being a stay at home mom for nearly 12 years, not knowing much about the world, or about me for that matter. This little glimpse of my "Child-Free" time I had was all I needed to re-energize. To find "me". To find "myself". And most of all to enjoy life as it unfolds.
I also learned several things about myself in the quiet night of a dark hotel room. I learned that it's okay to let other's help me. It's okay to not be able to do it all. It's okay to admit that I want to leave the state without the kids, it doesn't make me a bad mother. And the most important lesson, is that, yes my children will be okay under their father's care! My husband taught me that the boys (ages 11 and 9) are perfectly capable of putting the laundry away (their way), washing dishes, getting their own breakfast, in other words, I don't need to baby them or else, they will never learn to be independent.
There is this poem I used to read as a young mom. It was about a woman who gazes into the mirror, and questions the woman she sees. She talks about how she traded that life of glitz and glamour for changing diapers, paintings on the walls, and pushing strollers. She often wondered how life would've been like if she took that other path. Only to realize, at the end of the day, when her children lay in bed, the kisses and cuddles that give her immense joy throughout the day cannot be measured by any amount of wealth or glamour.
I received the photos that my mother wanted in the slide show, in honor of my dad. And it suddenly became so real. Kind of like being stung by a bee, only thing, this is the first time, I actually felt it. It was nice to move in fog or frenzy for a while. But I've learned the hard way that you need time to "feel" to really "feel it all." So bear with me, if the blog starts sounding like a sob story as oppose to my upbeat persona that I'm so used to reflecting.
Here's one of my favorite photos taken this weekend, my friend Allie, who just started her own photography blog!
I've started my Scrap Mania here! I uploaded a "kajillion" photos at Costco.. and I had to dwindle it down some.. cause I didn't want to spend 80 bucks on 400+ photos.. so, I narrowed it down to $51 bucks. That's good, right? So now, I'm on this mission, more like a scrapbooking rampage. And the thing is I know I will be done in the next few days, why? cause my mind is built that way. (Remember, scrapbooking 5 years worth of photos in 2 weeks?) Yeah, this is a piece of cake. I'm going for the ever-so-simple approach with the focus on the journaling!
This Saturday marks my first class at our LSS.. and I was all smiles to find out that the class filled up within 2 days of it being announced. I admit, I'm a bit nervous.. but we are talking scrapbooking here, so I'm sure I will be a chatting away!!! I've made my kits and I'm very excited, I even sewed (times 50+) on them! And the following weekend, R Barut Photography will be doing sessions there! Very exciting!
And these products are so cool, we found them at Target and scrapping with them!
I'm placing photos in this one and using the note paper as journaling blocks.. :) It will be a little Travel Album of the extra photos from this trip! Alright, fill me in on what's your agenda this weekend! Who knows, I will ask hubby to blog this weekend, since he seemed to entertained A LOT of you guys! And myself included!
That would be my word for today. The day we left Chicago, I said to the ladies, "Wouldn't it be nice if we could ease our way back into our routines?" But of course we are thrown back in like a piece of steak to some hungry dogs :) To put it mildly. So, my first official day back (cause hubby took yesterday off for some time with none other than... lucky me!) I find myself feeling dazed and confused every 10 minutes. :) Maybe it's because a LOT has happened in a one week span, yes that could be it. And the fact that we will all be packing and leaving soon to fly back home for a while. So.. my brain is wondering why I should settle at home for these next few days/weeks when we will be packing to leave for a good 3 weeks. Hmm? But the other side of my brain needs some kind of order. So call it a slight imbalance for now as I try to find some sort of median.
For now, let me reminisce on what a great time we had these past few days (as I anxiously await the photos being uploaded to Costco)
Taking the shuttle to CHA
I've got tons of photos! And I will have to share my favorites of the upcoming scrapbooking products. For now... just let me reminisce :)
It was a much needed break/vacation. I had an amazing time!!! I didn't get to read my latest blog entries till I got home last night.. it made me laugh and tear all at the same time. **Honey, you are an amazing husband! Thank you** I can't even begin to tell you how much this man did while I was gone, (and Allie & Anna, it was more than cleaning the window screens.. add all three bathrooms, laundry, washed the bedsheets, cooked, etc) You name it, he did it!
I also wanted to Thank each and everyone who took the time to send their condolences. It really means a lot to me and our family! We will be heading back out to our hometown of Hawaii very soon.
I have TONS of photos from CHA, which was an adventure all on it's own. To our day in the Big City! We spent an entire Sunday, walking all over from the Magnificent Mile to the Navy Pier. We walked and walked! It was gorgeous! I am uploading them to Costco as I write and dying to scrap them! But all in due time. I jumped on the computer last night for some work email! Today, I'm still catching up on some clients, due to change in plans and getting all things in order. In the meantime, I should just ask the hubby to blog, cause to my surprise, he really has a knack for doing this! (And I read from all the comments, you all enjoyed his sense of humor too!)
I didn't plan on blogging another entry in my wife's typepad, especially since it's the weekend, BUT I felt the urge to. Like it was an itch I had to scratch. That's when I thought to myself, OMG! I'm a closet blogger! I may as well go to the "LSS" (that's right, the DH know what that means...) and get the latest chipboard and the newest paper designs on hand...no? Too much? No, I won't come out of the closet so to speak and start my own blog page. One, it costs money. Two, much better to make "guest" appearances on my wife's blog. Well, she returns home much later this evening and much to my surprise, I have learned very valuable lessons, other than never allowing my wife to go to the CHA without precise instructions on how to survive without her. 9 and 11 years olds do know what chores mean...a jampacked washer will not do the laundry faster...you still need to scrub the shower when you use the scrub-free cleaners...and an alarm clock will not work as well when you know you don't have to work the next day. In other words, I have missed my wife immensely and can't wait for her to get home just so I can spend time with her. It was pretty gloom as it rained all day today, but as we all learn, without rain, we'd have no rainbows...
As for my wife's trip to the CHA at Chicago, she had a lot of fun and got to meet a lot of people and see a beautiful city. She finally got to meet those she's worked with or spoken to online. She got to go out at 2am and eat at Denny's just because she could. However she was a bit disappointed in the fact that she didn't get to meet the great CZ and more importantly, she didn't have a Chicago Dog or a Chicago-style pizza while in Chicago! That's like going to Olive Garden and not eating pasta...oh I kid. She said she walked miles downtown and there wasn't a hot dog stand in sight. It's probably because the Bears lost to the Colts in the Superbowl...they all quit...I'm kidding!
Well, I hope later this evening gets here faster than I could hope...I sure do miss my better half...why? Cuz she makes me better...
Ronalyn Artienda Barut is out of the office at this time, if you could, please leave you name, number, email, fax number, birthday, social security number, and I will get back to you as soon as possible. I, will leave the the caretaking of my three children under the sole responsbility of my husband, Rodel.
(Enter Borat's accent here...bery nice, I like!)
See what happens when you leave? I get lost and I don't know what to do. The kids are starving, the house is a mess, the laundry keeps getting bigger and bigger, mold is building up in the bathroom, crumbs are piling up on the carpet, the kids are all bald, and last but not least, I'm forced to post a blog on your typepad! But have no fear, I will let you peek into my schedule so you know I'm on the ball with things back home.
Saturday - Hmmmmmm....
Sunday - Wake up...
Monday - Oh, she's coming home tonight, let's clean up now!!!
Back to posting a blog on you page...And guess what, you don't get to pick which picture I post either. HAHAHAHA! So I picked the one you took a while ago of my back and and derrier. This is my way of saying I miss you too too much as Isabel would say. I was tempted to post a picture of the kids all sharing one piece of chicken on one plate, but I might get social services bookmarking your page if I did. Just one day away and I want you back home already. Well, I hope you check your blog so you can have a good laugh. Hurry home. I'll post Faith Hill's new song "Lost" as I listened to it today and the lyrics were perfect. I love getting lost in your eyes yet I definitely feel lost without you...love rudy...Lyrics
...for those who know pidgin, I will gladly translate...ha cuz, my wife, she wen go chicago to go see HA, an den i was like bruddah, i miss her and den. what fo' she do dat! ha, i like her come back! i like wen i look in da eyes and i get you know, dakine. dats right cuz! i almost get one tear an den! no lies! I stay lost...
Sorry baby, I may have just lost some of you loyal followers with that passage, but it made me laugh!
(I've edited this post like 10 times, I like this posting bloggy blogs on the internet, it makes me feel like I can get jiggy with Bill Gates or get Crunked with Steve Jobs!)
I'll leave you with today's questions or sayings of the day from the rugrats -
Isabel - "I want Ethan to play with me - What rhymes with mermaid - I know how to draw a fish - Daddy, I want you to tickle me - Daddy, I'm going to climb on your back - Daddy, I'm done!"
Ethan - "Daddy, I did all my chores can I play now?"
Caelan - "Daddy, I did all my chores and Ethan's chores, can Kody spend the night?"
And this is what happens when me and Bel take over your iMac...
My father, bless his soul, passed away today...
He lived a long life, he died shortly after his 92nd birthday. (He was born on July 10, 1915) It was not unexpected, at that age, living with Alzheimer's for over 10 years, not being mobile for 8 years, and being in and out of the hospital for so long. We knew the time was coming. It wasn't until this past month, his tender age began to catch up with him. News of him not being able to eat or swallow, which led him back to nursing home. (As my mother is still recovering from a series of radiation.) I just knew that his time here on earth was almost done...
The last time I remember who my father really was, I was 18, packing my luggages into a car along with his grandson, saying good-bye. He tried to make me believe he was happy about the extra room in the house now, or the fact that he won't have to hear a crying baby anymore. He hugged me and held me tight.. and told me to take care of ourselves. He did not seem to shed a tear. The car reversed, I looked back to see him kneeling to the ground in the parking lot.. crying. That was my last memory of him. When I went back to visit him, 3 years later.. it was too late. His Alzhiemer was worst, there were times he question my very existence, to pointing at our second child thinking it was my oldest. He always seemed like he was confused and lost. He was never the same after that visit.
Life is short.. even though he lived till he was 92. I hope he knows just how much I loved him.. how much we all loved him.. I miss him.. I've always missed him. One day daddy, I will see you again..
Your "Annako" (child) ......
She soothes my soul! Her album finally released today and I bought it ASAP! It was the perfect day for her tunes. Spent the day hanging outside with Melissa and her girls while we got ourselves a tan! It was nice to just sit and relax, catch up, and connect.
It was just one of those days, where you think, wow, when was the last time we did this? And you think, last year! What happened to all that time in between? One word, Busy. We are all so busy! You know if it weren't for birthdays between us and the all the kids in between, we probably wouldn't even bother to hang out. But it's so comforting to know that we've known one another for this long and you just know it's the kind of friendship where years could pass, and it will seem like no time has passed at all. I know things will change quickly, as she and her family decide what's next, as the military career ends. And it hurts to think, she could leave as soon as in a few months. So, I want to just make the most of our time together.
Not much to report on this end, except CHICAGO HERE I COME!!!
Making my To-Do list right now.. for me and for the hubby! I've asked him to blog for me! So we'll see, I'd rather him cook dinners, clean the bathrooms, and do laundry though! Priorities!
Until then.. let me get back to this MASSIVE to do list!
***ETA @ 3:56 am Alaska time***
Some guys have all the luck.
Why them and not me?
I'm talking about the NEW MAYA ROAD (and the lucky fools that got to play with them first!)