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October 2010

30 Days of Truth: Day Nine- Drifted

Day 09:  Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

Of course there are. Am I gonna name them all? Probably not. But the first person to come to mind that gets me all choked up inside is a beautiful woman I met in our first duty station in Maryland. (Yup, lived there for about 5 years) Her name is Rochelle one of the most kind, thoughtful, creative, understanding, patient, and beautiful people I know.


We had such a beautiful friendship, one that I never thought would fade away.. But it did, we did.


Pre-digital era, circa 2003

Our circumstances upon meeting just felt like it was all meant to be. When I met her, I was new to this level of friendship between two women. I was a young mother of two at that time, moved for the third time in less than 2 years, still trying to figure out who I was, and overwhelmed by caring for 2 little boys. It was more than just "hey let's go to the mall and hang out.."  She was one of the first people I opened up my heart to, confided in, shared my dreams, thoughts, and interest with. To top it off, our families hung out almost every weekend. My boys only knew them as Uncle Thomas and Aunty Rochelle. They were like family to us, and being on the east coast, away from family, it was just enough to make Maryland feel like home.

I don't really know what happend. We had the best of intentions of staying in touch. We tried to call and email every now and then. But as with any long distance relationships, weeks turn into months, and months turn into years..  When I left Maryland, Isabel was just 3 months old and it was just 2 kids for her. Now Isabel is 7 and she has 4 kids! Time flies, life.. happens.

But she's the one person, I think about every now and then, and just smile. Just blessed having to have known her. I click on her Facebook, but she seldom updates. She's never been fond of the internet world. And I can't help but to wonder how she's doing, what she's doing, and how her family is. Is she getting to do something creative, because she was an amazing artist? Not sure. But one day I hope to sit and chat with a cup of coffee in hand and quite possibly pick up where we left off.


Horizontal Monday.

Monday didn't go quite as planned.

Apparently I did have a lot to do but my body had other plans to stay in horizontal position most of the day. Needless to say, I did not get going till 11 am! That guilt just set in, the one where I should be "super-mom/housewife" set in. And before I tried to talk myself into staying down any longer, I was up and about, taking charge of the dirty dishes from breakfast, the massive piles of laundry from the weekend, and the editing, the uploading, and the answering of the emails! 

On Sunday, I whipped the family up for a quick family photo-shoot, the same one I've been talking about doing all summer but never got around to doing it. But I was determined to have a Christmas Card this year. (I skipped the last 2 years because I was so busy). So a photoshoot we did. We really didn't have any plans of what to wear. I chose that sweater dress that I've been overusing during photoshoots because they go great with those boots I got! And I figured grey matches just about anything. We grabbed what we had in our closet and went on a whim.

Barut blog

And it was cold (again). Our last shoot with the purple/grey/blue color combo it was freezing as well. So I guess the kids did not expect any different. On the plus side, all that prep talk in the car about using their listening ears would make this go quicker did them justice. We were in and out of there in 20 minutes! Thanks to my partner, Paula... who met us with gloves on :)

One of my faves had to be the one with my oldest:


I can't believe how quickly this guy is growing.. the attitude I go do without every now and then.. but man, my boo-boo is growing up.

And this photo of Izzy is going to a canvas on our wall:(gorgeous straight outta the camera!)

The good news, is I created and uploaded our Christmas Cards and it is on it's way. Now the actual Christmas Shopping???  Hmm.. I have yet to master that one day.. to actually be early one year would be nice.


We enjoyed a great dinner with my "other" kids and our "other" family, The Julos, to celebrate Jeremi's Birthday.

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Everytime I am out with the "other" kids, people always assume they are all mine. And the kids love playing along all calling me mom! But they really are like my own... our home is their home and vice versa. They are always welcome in our home and when they are not over, I go fetch them myself :)  Dont' we just look like one big happy family?  During basketball games, I can hardly tell who's who.. Ethan and Jeremi look so alike!  Sadly, they are due to leave by this time next year.  I'm just glad the kids are hanging on to what they have left with them :) Thanks Julos :) We will be celebrating in a few weeks again for Caelan's 15th Birthday!



30 Days of Truth: Day 8- Someone who made your life hell.



Stumped me on that one. Mainly because I don't let "crappy" (to put it mildly) bother me. Or let them in my life for that matter. Now, in my 30's or so ... I've realized that people that bring their negative "vibe" around me don't really get as much as a second glance. I surround myself and my life with just the right amount of people that bring more joy, great life experiences, laughter, and all around good times to my life. I really just don't have time for all the latest drama and bull-crap that may go around. There's enough of that in my teenager alone!

So with that said. I like to think of myself as a "positive" spirit to be around. And I would like nothing but the same around me. (Although this weekmy kids could post an entirely different story that could contradict that statment)


I can't believe it's finally Friday.. We've had a non-stop week here in the Barut household. It's one thing after another, if it's not basketball it's band and everything else in between. The hubby has been busy at work not coming home till past 6 sometimes and to top it off he's not feeling well. Men and being sick, need I say more?

In between all of that though this little guy needs some outdoor time (and unfortunately for him he doesn't mind how cold it is outside). Don't let that sunshine fool you.. it is cold out there!





the clarinet playing 7th grader, always dressed to impress (who? I'm not sure yet) who adores his big brother but will never admit it, definitely gets on his little sister's nerves, who has very little to say and keeps to himself most days... is growing up!

So long are the days where he'd rather stay home and hang. Now he is texting me to hang out even later at night. He's got his "middle-school" friends that he seems to be "tight" with. Not to mention his blackberry attached to his fingers with the constant texting.  Since when?

I'm not really sure when this change took over. But everytime I open my front door, someone is always asking for Ethan, boy or girl. It's cute, but not really. (Social life, don't take my other son too... it's bad enough you took my teenager from me, now the middle one, come on!)   




So there he is, following in his brother's footsteps in band. (I wish I took a photo of the time where he was busy texting while the advanced band played.)

Happy Friday to all! 
Taking this weekend OFF!  More so to catch up on all the photoshoots!


Just Another...


Yesterday I tried really hard to keep it together, moreso, to focus... It was not easy at all. But I did get things done and I may not have been super-de-duper-super-woman yesterday but it was enough. I started off my day thinking about my mom. I devoted an entire post in my draft section for her alone, along with tears and lots of it. I was just trying to find that photo of her that I wanted to share. So I picked up the phone and just listened to her voice... such a sweet surprise.

Then I got the best email from my good friend Michelle that summed up my day thus far:

Personal time becomes nonexistent, because you find yourself pushing to make your biz successful. And it can't be successful if you don't put in the time. But then your loved ones feel neglected (or the guilt sets in), and you take more time to dedicate to THEM. And then you feel guilty for not working more. And then you look around the house and realize that it's messy because you ran out of time to clean. And then you feel guilty for THAT. (Because I get that part, too... I'm not by any means a "neat freak," but I have discovered that if things are messy, it actually stunts my creativity. It's like there's this mental block that goes up or something. I NEED my space to be in order... it's like my cocoon of comfort.)

And, the worst part is... that you want to do it all. You TRY to do it all. And because your time is stretched so thin... EVERYTHING suffers.


I really could have not summed it any better than that. Just to know that I'm not the only one and I know I'm not, but to be able to vent and be understood.. was enough to kick start my day. So I took my camera and just 'captured' like the good ol' times.

This is how I typically like to start my 6am mornings.
Two shots :)  A nice hot Americano. I think by next year I'll just be tanking down the shots itself :)



Little Izzy on her way to school. Love that she's as sweet & silly all rolled into one, makes my mornings go by so smoothly.


Kai, a "pouting" that his sissy is leaving again :(IMG_0343



Basically I sit here and work... most of the day. I will occasionally stand up and use the restroom or put a load of laundry in.


But I ended that work day pretty quick. When my high-schooler gets home at 2pm, it really is all downhill after that. I make snacks and get ready for some activity, basketball practice or game or band concerts.  This case was a game. We parked and asked Rudy to take a shot with me. May have to share the outakes in between. What is it with that man and cameras? He never wants to be in them ?


Then I was very impressed with Izzy on this shot.  As she screeched "Look mommy, I made daddy blurry in the back.."  Already teaching her the art of bokeh.  Nice !IMG_0426honey


And I took too many photos of last night's VERY EXCITING GAME!! I thought I was gonna either throw the camera or drop it from the hooting and hollering.

So I get it.. military moms are just too darn excited and LOUD... so am I.  Rodel will attest to that as he ought to wear ear plugs while sitting next to me. But what a close game. They stayed tied most of the time with Jeremi (my other son from another mutha) made the winning 3 pointer. Not to mention my other 2 who were just "ballin".  


It was a good night. I left work for the next day and stayed clocked out. That's how it should be.. not sure if it will always be that way.. but I can try.


30 Days of Truth: Day Six - Hope You Never Have To Do

Something You Hope You Never Have To Do:

Well quite fitting.. you've got something you hope to do followed by something you hope you never have to do...

I hope I never have to....

  • eat or touch bugs.  Eeek. I'm not a bug person. I can sure swat a mosquito but that's the extent of my bug-liking abilities.
  • bury my child. Pretty deep. But true. What parent ever wants to see their child go before them?
  • have a pedicure. Thats right, you know I don't like people touching my feet.
  • go back to using dial up modem, dial up phones, or dial up anything...
  • go two steps back.. onward, always looking forward, in any aspect of my life.
  • work outside of the home, that requires me to leave 8-9 hours a day, not to say if I need to I will, but for now, I absolutely LOVE being home with my children. I still get excited when that bus pulls up and I swing the door open to let them home. There's nothing like a warm snack followed by hearing about their day. I wouldn't want it any other way.

I wish I could get deep with this one.. but I can't dig it out of me today.  Must be my distracted mind. I feel like my To Do Post It Notes just tripled :)

The Weekend.


I am sitting here..flustered, unnerved, perturbed. All of the above. Maybe it's close to that time once again, where every single emotion is intensified to the next level. So a little frustration would end up in me being completely ticked off. I don't why know, it just is.

I wish there was some kind of "chill" pill that I could pop in that could cool me off. (Even as I type and I'm misspelling words and I'm getting annoyed).  I just feel like I have not had time to "digest" things. Whether it's my day (or week for that matter) or the things going around my home.  And the thing is I know why I am this way, work has a lot to do with it and neglecting the things I need to do like exercise or get creative with scrapbooking again. And it's my fault that I can't seem to balance things out. But this week more than ever, it's so overwhelming. (Insert whining tears).But finally this week (after a busy summer and fall) Paula and I have decided to "close up shop" for a while. To catch up, to breathe, to just be... We've kept this weekend open to our family. A much needed break, that I hope our clients can understand. Even with that said, I second guess myself, being the work-a-holic I am or I call it passion driven. Either way, it's an issue I need to deal with, the ability to leave things in the "To-Do-On-Another-Day" pile.

Phew, now that I got that all out.. I feel great. Nothing a little venting can't fix.

Besides a busy week/weekend of photoshoots...

I enjoyed cuddling with this guy:


He's taking a break from his "cone of shame"... :) He had surgery on Friday for his other eye and he did just fine. I loved seeing him when we picked him up. (All swollen and bruised up) His face lit up (well his tail wagged uncontrollably) and it broke my heart to hear his "whine".  Almost to say, "Why did you leave me here?" Although I gulped and almost cried when we paid the bill, Kai is our "baby" and would do anything for him. He is recovering just fine... and has spent the better half of the weekend nestled up on our laps.

On Saturday after our early morning session, I rushed home to be with these guys :)


We visited REI to use our 20% memeber coupon... not on us of course, something for the kids... Gulp, I found a very cute coat for Izzy cleverly called the "Lizzy Bizzy"


We did not get the matching snow pants, that would be too busy for me :)  I think the black ones will suffice. But it was so cute on her, fits her bubbly/energetic personality. At least that's what I keep telling myself as I checked out and dropping a $120 for her coat, alone. I walked away dazed and a bit confused at how that transaction was made.. but in all seriousness and to justify my actions.. our kids live in their coats. They wear them 8 months out of the year! And to think that was just one kid. Don't forget my "man-sized" teenager who would love a Northface jacket for $250. 

I discovered this great new app called HeyTell


Works like a walkie-talkie!  I may have overused this new capability in the first few hours of downloading it.. (I decided to sing to people). But it is so cool! So instead of texting and driving (who does that, not me)... I press this button and talk and it sends it to whoever and they can respond when they want to. Perfect! 

Another photoshoot-tastic weekend. Even though we are tired as two mama's could be, we are greatful. "Holla at my pawt-nah" Paula for E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G!  Look at that glowing mama! I don't know how many times we meet people and they automatically say "Sisters?" And we always look at one antoher and smile.. thinking the same thing "from-anotha-mutha"... What a ride we are on and we are hanging on tight! I wouldn't have it any other way. 

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Us, testing the lights before the session.

Well Monday... ready or not, here I come, no promises on what kind of mood I will be in :)



A Foggy Tuesday

... makes it so hard to get going in the mornings. What I would do to crawl back under my sheets and just sleep my day away. Or cozy up in front of the TV and just veg all day.




Just one of the many battles when you work from home.



listening: "Back To December" by Taylor Swift. It's on repeat...

eating: stuffed from the Pork Chop fried with Panko Flakes..

drinking: water. it would be coffee but it is 10:30 pm

wearing: Grey American Eagle Sweatpants and a Grey Tank.. feeling grey ?

feeling: exhausted from what seems to be a long day, overwhelmed by all these big purchases feeling anxious to work more but I know I need a break, worried about my puppy, his leg is still not the same.

weather: cold & dark.

wanting: to upgrade to CS5 with Lightroom (it's always one thing after another isn't it?)

needing: to go to bed.

thinking: about which errand to do first tomorrow, I hate to leave home when I have so much to catch up on. (insert whine)

enjoying: my spanking new camera.

wondering: what's for dinner tomorrow? Whatever it is, I better take it out to defrost.

Marky Mark.

Picture 4


After a year of working so hard.
Endless nights of editing.
The constant weekends out on 3-4 shoots in one day.
The weddings, oh the weddings...
I finally saved up my nickels and dimes to get me this "Bad-Boy"

The moment I held Paula's 5D Mark II, I knew.. I knew, I had to have my own. It took a while to get here. But I did. And it feels damn good to know that this giant purchase is because of our hard work.

On the flip side, Paula was able to purchase this:

Picture 6
Canon 50mm 1.2 all bad a** Glass.  She is in dreamy-creamy la-la land.

And we cannot wait to use our new toys!
Here's to our shoots this week! We are gonna have so much fun with you guys!


30 Days of Truth: Day Five - Hope To Do

Day 05:  Something you hope to do in your life.


*Behind the scenes of what I already do... I was trying to make this princess look at Paula while she took the shot and to get used to us hovering around her... Just a little sneak peek into what it takes to get the shot.. I always tell people, you gotta love this job to keep on doing it. If you are in it to make millions you are in the wrong field. The wages you receive are the smiles and moments you captured that day. And maybe, just maybe enough change to pick up Starbucks on your way home.

So I totally skipped Day 4 on forgiving someone else. It just comes up with a blank. Literally. Nuthin'.

But here are somethings I want to do in my life. (give or take a few things I forget to list) I think this calls for a bullet list.

  • Skydive. That's right. Maybe tandem skydiving. But I wanna jump off an airplane and "fly". One day I will find someone to dive with. (That would be my girl Lori).  One day girl... one day!
  • Travel. To a different country. Never been anywhere but in the US. Maybe military life will send us to Germany or Japan next. But I would love to visit Paris, Greece, you name it.. I want to go! 
  • Pursue my career in Graphic Arts or as a Photojournalist for National Geographic (or something like that). I've always had a desire to learn more or to feed my knowledge. I always push back the idea of heading back to school but I know one day I will. Not to receive a bachelor in this or a degree in that.. but just because I want to learn more.
  • Make a difference in someone's life (other than my own of course).  To be able to reach out to others whether it's being a foster parent, help serve a cause that is of importance to me, or to just visit the elderly in an elderly home.  Something.. that matters without ever wanting something in return, other than the idea that I gave more than I received. 
  • Renew my vows. We never had a wedding or any sort of celebration I didn't get to dress up in a white dress.. (could probably explain why I love weddings so much). But just a day for him and I, would be nice. I know we seldom have our days off without the kids or many date nights.. but I'm talking about something a little more than that. A chance to say "I do" again, in front of close family and friends. An intimate moment in our lives, a chance to show our kids, what love is.
  • Ski. Yep, ski. Much like wanting to learn to boogie board (which I never did, much less swim).. I want to learn this sport. If not, I'll take up "Snow-Shoeing"
  • Run a marathon... yep all 26.2 miles. Some people may think otherwise.. but this is a deep desire for me. I've only been running for a couple of years, some more than others.. but I still love it. The farthest I've been was about 10 miles. which is no where near 26.2 miles but I think with determination and the love for the sport, I would love to challenge myself.

This really is an outgoing list.  There are so many "I wants.." in life. But moreso, I just want to enjoy each day as they come, good or bad.. It's my life, and I wouldn't change a thing.