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April 2011

March 2011

Focusing On...

Myself.
It's just what I needed.

Somewhere along the line of doing this and doing that, being here and there and back here again.. I lost myself. Literally. I know how great I feel when I've invested in some time for me, more focus on exercise to be precise... but yet, that's the one thing I push aside. I say "I don't have time.." and eventually believe I don't. But I remember when I had less time I do now and I still made time to exercise. So what's the deal-lee-oh?

So I buckled down and started changing up my routine.
I started taking Kai to the dog park where I would take brisk walks as he followed me. Going in the morning is the best time because there are not as many dogs out. Then I started heading back to the gym. That was the kicker for me. I needed that. This week, I've spent more time on "me" and less time sitting in front of the computer. No balance figured out yet.. but I'm much more approachable at home :)

My spin instructor kicked my butt.
The turbo-kick girl had us punching and kicking.
And I tried this new class today, Kick Your Booty.. and she had a thing about finding our "core" And I tried to tell her, I didn't have any :)
I even enjoyed running outdoors again :)

And with the sun staying out later (it sets near 9pm) we've been enjoying our after dinner walks.

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She does so well walking her "humongous" puppy :)

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Yes, there is still snow on the ground.. it even snowed a little last night.. but it is warmer, the days are longer, and life is good. Although some days can be more challenging than others and most days I have to resist the urge to answer that email in the middle of the night and realize that a LOT of those things can wait till the morning. (Which is so hard to do when you work at home, btw). I'm trying... Last week wasn't my best, I found myself "snapping" at every little thing. My kids even avoiding talking to me. But I realize what I needed and that was to focus on me.

 


Lately...

... it feels like, I've been here, there, and everywhere.

And that's exactly where I've been... everywhere.
And the only thing that has been constant... is listening to Adele (on repeat)  :) I can count on her album to lift up my spirits and to slow down my days just a bit, by singing my heart out.. I'm still not sure why my kids insist on covering their ears as I belt out "Rolling in the Deep".

I'm totally not gonna even attempt to complain about being super busy with photo-shoots, because I'm gonna take these long nights of editing, packing and unpacking up our gear, shoot after shoot, and just be greatful. A moment of clairty came on the drive over to Belgua Point on Thursday for another shoot. We were already so exhausted from shooting every single day, thinking about the photos that we have yet to download and all the other photos we didn't even go through yet, watching the mountains and overcast in the distance... Then, out of the blue, Paula and I said in unison,"Well, at least today is a great day for photos" thinking of the overcast. Becasue we both knew, a bright sunny day on Belgua Point would just kill our photographs! We just laughed. I reminded her how many people, don't get to do what they are passionate about, and here we are, getting to live out our dreams. This meant so much to us, because just a few years ago, we'd never imagine we'd be doing what we are. And we know this, but it's nice to be reminded every now and then.

Then somehow that conversation took us to rebirth, reeincarnation, and China (Don't ask)

*****

Despite the crazy week I've had here, I tried really hard to get back on "taking care of myself". It's been a good month since I stepped into a gym or even went out for a run... And it's totally taking a toll on my overall spirit and on my favorite jeans :) But mostly my sanity. So this weekend, we spent our Saturday morning at the gym and today I am in pain. I know I can't make any promises to myself, that I will stay on track, but literally taking it day by day. And trying to make it a point to include exercise throughout my week.

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We also had a great time at The Pepin House Saturday night BBQ'ing, eating, and the guys drinking. It seems like the only reason I head over there is for a photshoot. I really need to make it a point to just "hang" with my girl Paula aside from work. Kinda like a married couple, who opt for a date night every now and then. We really need to make some time for "fun". (I swear I'm a bundle of fun).

*****

And this:

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That's my boo-boo and his "boo".
I could literally save this for an entirely new post..but just to touch the surface.

Meet Abby. (Isn't she a cutie?)
Now, he's had other girlfriends before and drama, oh the drama..
But this one... ???

Hubby and I like her.. A LOT!

I like to think, she had a lot to do with his amazing grades :) But she really is a sweetheart. Her entire family is super-nice as well. (You bet I met her entire family.. I told my boo-boo, on their first date "I ain't gonna drop you off to some house without meeting the people in there..")

They've been hanging out, every weekend. And both parents are pretty strict about the rule, that he/she can come over only if a parent is home. (Thank goodness, we are both Stay At Home Moms).  So last week, Caelan wanted Abby to come over.. and I had a photo-shoot and my hubby was off to the gym.. so we let him pick, which parent he wanted to follow.. Needless to say, they had more fun playing Wally-Ball with my hubby then coming to a senior photoshoot.

So (sigh) my Sophomore has a girlfriend and he's already talking about college.. (Wahh.. just pass me the tissue)

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Here's to a new week.. I'm quite excited for a quieter week.. (ahhh)

 


I'm Here.. No Really.

I am..

Me excuse for my absence in the blog world: 
The kids were on Spring Break... so keeping them occupied and trying to work at home stay sane was a juggle in itself.

[ I started to write that 7 days ago.. obviously I never finsihed it nor clicked the publish button]

Its not that I have nothing to say.. I feel like I always do, I'm constantly talking to myself... Just being able to sit without distractions and finish an actual post is another story.

Distracted. That's a good word to sum up 2 weeks ago.
Focused. That was my word last week. Unfortunatly blogging wasn't a part of that list.

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There's an ebb + flow in photography.. some weeks, we are trying to come up with ways to book 3-4 shoots a week. And then all of a sudden we end up with just that and then some! Then we're scrambling to squeeze everyone in. So needless to say these past 2-3 weeks we were scrambling.

Here's a sneak peek at our behind the scenes.. this pretty much sums the past 3 weeks!

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I hope to get back on this blogging bandwagon, as well as a regular exercise regime, everyday homecooked meals, and maybe take up crocheting?


Marching On.

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Well it's March.
The kids are on Spring Break.
The days are longer.
It is warmer???
...and I'm Marching On.

I've never been more certain of my direction.
I'm not sure if the extra amount of daylight has "shone" me the way. Or if Nicki Minaj has a way of speaking to me..

I fly with the stars in the skies,
I am no longer trying to survive,
I believe that life is a prize,
But to live doesn't mean you're alive.

In this very moment I'm king,
In this very moment I slay, Goliath with a sling,
This very moment I bring
Put it on everything, that I will retire with the ring,
And I will retire with the crown, Yes!
No I'm not lucky I'm blessed, Yes!
Clap for the heavyweight champ, Me!
But I couldn't do it all alone, We!

You can take the girl away from the hood, but not the hood away from the girl, I guess.

I listened to this same song the entire flight from Portland to Alaska (3 hours and 48 minutes) while the tray was down and I began to write in my notebook, 7 pages deep. Who knew I had a lot to say?

Something in me changed while I was in Vegas. I will never forget walking out of that last class with Jamie Schultz with tears in my eyes, my heart racing, and that feeling... that I could touch the sky. Almost, like I felt vindicated... as if all of "this".. hard work, literally blood, sweat, & tears was more than just enjoying what I do.. but something, I seriously could do, could become, and could become successful in.

Flashbacks of how it all started.. in 2005 with my first Digital SLR, a canon 20D. I shot everything and everyone that would let me. I pushed myself to learn more, to shoot strictly in manual, read books about finding light, shooting subjects, and art appreciation classes. I was feeding that 'hunger'.. that would soon consume me.. in a good way.

2011. Nearly 6 years later. I'm on a freakin plane on my way home from a WPPI conference in Vegas, having met so many photographers, some top notch, some just like me!  (Dayum)  I've come so far, further than I even believed I could get.  But not without my partner, my backbone, my better creative half, Paula. (LOVE YOU) But we are not where we are today, without failing, crying, growing, and learning, for sure. And not without my understanding and patient husband. I know it's not easy for him to see me chase this never ending rainbow. I'm sure he'd feel a little more secure if I found myself a 9-5 job. I'm sure my kids would appreciate having "more" stuff. And I know we hate living from paycheck to paycheck. There were times, I debated whether this "rainbow" was to far fetched and whether to just get a side job as I continued this dream.

But I left Vegas with this moment of clarity... this certainty, that I finally know.. what I want, where I'm headed, and most importantly how to get there.

This night just reminds me of everything that they deprived me of....

When Nicki said that... I just about bawled in my seat and I quickly moved from page 2-6 in 5 minutes. This could be that driving force behind my strong will to get what I desire.

I didn't grow up believing that I could touch the sky.
My parents taught me hard work pays off, but dreams.. were just for dreamers.
And having a kid straight outta highschool at 17... well, maybe they just thought, "Kiss your dreams goodbye, sweetie, cause all you will be for the next 18 years is a mother.."

And you know what.. that was my mentality for the longest time (that kid is getting ready to graduate highschool in 2 years)... with that said (as I cut off from what could be a lengthy post but my computer is saying it's got 30% power left and it is almost 1am). I continue to stay home with my children and become the best mother I can be.. But this mama has dreams, aspirations, and goals.. and she is gonna continue to chase that rainbow. I just hope my kids will know, that I not only did this for me.. but for them too. To let them know, that no dream is to big for them to chase. If anything, I want them to be a go-getter like their mama.

This is my moment,
I waited all my life I can tell its time
drifting away I'm one with the sunsets,
I have become alive.

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