While my 34th year was a roller coaster of emotions, my 35th year was a time of healing, renewal, and self discovery. Most of my days as a 35 year old was spent making the most of each day. My word for the new year was "renew" with this quote in mind:
“Renew, release, let go. Yesterday’s gone. There’s nothing you can do to bring it back. You can’t “should’ve” done something. You can only DO something. Renew yourself. Release that attachment. Today is a new day!”
By God, if you told me a year ago, I would be doing half the things I've done that made my stomach tremble with fear and ending with a smile so big, my heart could feel it. I would call you "crazy". But that's exactly how I spent most of my days as a Thirty-Five year old woman. I took chances, took that leap of faith, looked fear in it's eyes, and literally smashed it to the ground. I took pride in myself, I took time to "fall in love" with myself, to educate myself, to train myself, to strengthen myself. All of which, healed my soul, one moment at a time.
Most importantly, I allowed myself to "feel" to get in touch with what hurt the most to what brought me sheer joy. I refused to shield my heart from people or moments simply because I was afraid. I learn to trust, and with, that I was able to peel off layers so I could be transparent to the one person that I kept hiding from.
And lately, the beach has been my refuge. My place to just "relax" and take a breather. I'm finding comfort in the sound of the waves crashing, salt water in my hair, and being in the water. Which is all new to me, as I have been afraid of this vast ocean most of my childhood/teenage/and adult years.. But once I got over that, I find the beach somewhat of a retreat for me. (Still odd to hear me say).
Year 35, you were good to me. I learned a lot about myself, one of which is that I tend to be my biggest obstacle. I doubt myself to much, I don't give myself enough credit, I sulk in my mistakes, I let negativity in more than I should. But I also grew stronger, I believed I could and I did. I don't give up. When fear settles in, it's a good sign, that I press on and just do it.
So this is for you, Year 36.. Bring it on!