There is a silent struggle I've been trying to deal with for the past few months and it is the constant struggle between, "Where I Thought I Would Be In Life Vs. Where I Actually Am." A year ago, I was so sure of where I wanted to be, what I wanted to be doing, and how I would do it. Today, in the quiet corners of my mind, I often ask myself, "What am I doing with my life? Where am I headed? What is my plan? Hashtag, Looser". Then I get to sulking, just answering myself, "I don't know.. anymore." I know that I can't let one bad apple hinder my growth or question my ability to achieve my goals, but, yet, it weighs me down. I can't help but to think, maybe I don't have what it takes to become that version of me I thought I would be a year ago. So then I begin to re-evaluate everything, starting all over again from scratch, kind of like shaking the etch-and-sketch. With that an overwhelming feeling of starting over, or more like moving on to the next chapter, with a clean slate (canvas) forward. Times like these, (my little moments of epiphany) where there is a lot of soul searching involved, I cannot deny there is so much to be thankful for.
I've resorted to doing things that make my soul, my inner divinity, happy and peaceful. I've never been one to stay in the negatives for too long. I always find that good outweighs the bad. Always. I'm slowly picking up the camera, perhaps getting back out there again. Photography has always been a part of my life, capturing moments for people, and conveying my vision into the stillness of a photo is what I'm good at. There's many factors to being a good photographer besides the right equipment and having the eye for it. The personality of a photographer has a lot to do with it, because you have to deal with people. And that's what I've been realizing lately, even when I'm at work, is that I am truly a people person. I have a knack for picking up people's energy and conversing with them and making everyone feel like "ohana." If there's anything you want to know about me, is that, I have been a scrapbooker, or "Keeper of Memories" since I was like 3rd grade! The other day, I caught my daughter and her friends looking at an album I made when I was a teenager to my first trip to Disneyland, and she said, "It was so cool," and she and her friends want to do this too. Documenting life with photos and stories, has always made my soul happy, simply because I find myself "living" life and recapping them in photos + words so that I can share the moments with my family and friends.
Moments, that's what life is about. When I sit there and remind myself of that, everything else just falls to a mere second. So I will continue to do what makes me happy, try to worry less, and stop comparing myself to others because comparison is thee ultimate thief to self love. Just so glad, that this silly man puts a smile to my face, daily.