I can't believe 2010 is just around the corner... some days I'm excited for the new year, a fresh start, a clean slate... new memories to create. On the other hand, there are days I'm fearful of all the changes that are coming our way.. wanting to hold on to time and not wanting it to past by so quickly... But it's coming and "Twenty-Ten" here I come!
Here are some words to encourage me, to inspire me, to live by for the upcoming year, 2010:
1. Enjoy...
Enjoy the moments, whether it's the simple everyday routine or extra ordinary events.
Enjoy today.
Enjoy life as it happens.
In the midst of chaos, enjoy.
2. Love...
Love like there is no tomorrow.
Love without fear.
Love without limits.
3. Observe...
Don't just glance at the world around me, or the life that I lead... Observe, take heed, and realize that these moments are just a moment in time.
4. Dare...
Dare to be
different.
Dare to be me,
uninhibited.
Dare to take
those little steps, then leap when I can, and soar to the other side.
Dare to grab
life by the hands and take control.
Dare to live life to the fullest.
5. Believe...
Believe that all things are possible.
Believe that things happen for a reason.
Believe that through darkness there is always light at the end of the tunnel.
Believe in myself.
Believe in my dreams.
6. Work...
Work hard. In all I do, give it my all.
Work towards my goals, both physical and mentally.
Know that hard work pays off.
7. Expand...
Expand my knowledge. Read more books, take a class, learn new things everyday.
Don't settle for less.
Dream.. and Dream Big.
8. Create...
Always find time to create.
Know that creating makes me happy, make time to do the things I love.
The world is my canvas.
9. Laugh...
Laugh... everyday.
There is nothing so sad than one cannot laugh at the end of the day.
Find a way to put a smile on my husbands face.. everyday.
back to some normalcy... granted it's quite difficult to find my groove when the kids are still out of school. Everything about my day(s) is out of whack.. but in a good way. I actually like having them home, it just means I don't have to wake up at 5:30 am! LOL! My kids have always been good sleepers, blame it on their nocturnal parents, but they can and will sleep in till noon, easily. Especially here in AK, where the sun rises at 10 am these days, they sleep like rocks! Which is good for me but not for too long. I like my mornings and when I wake up past 10 I always feel like I've wasted a good day already! So being today is Monday.. thee Monday after the holidays, I was looking forward to saying so long to those late mornings and sleeping in and trying to find my way back.. to some kind of schedule.
And it was a success.. after 15 minutes of trying to talk myself out of not staying in bed any longer.. I forced myself out of bed, made the kids breakfast sandwiches, and headed out for my outdoor run. (Yes it was cold, but a lot warmer than it has been, 25 degrees.. see those icicles hanging from the rooftops.. thank goodness for studded shoes!)
We've been doing a whole lot of relaxing in this house... and I have selfishly loved every minute. I have not been back to work yet (at the store) since last Thursday and it's been nice to be home with the family and just "chill".
I've found my way back to relaxing with a good book. last week I finally finished The Road by Cormac McCarthy. And let me just say.. this kind of book led to many dream-filled nights of a world and civilization destroyed with few lives spared and a father and his sons journey to stay alive and most important keep the faith in what seems like a hopeless situation. It is well written, almost like poetic verses really, but it flows and just gets you right in the heart. It left me saying to myself a lot, "what would I do?" The book has been turned into a movie but is not playing here in Anchorage at all! Bummed. I don't think it got great reviews (even though it starred Viggo Mortensen as the dad) I bet it would be a hard movie to recreate, to be able to carry that somber, helplessness feel through 2 hours would be difficult, especially with limited dialogue.
I've debated back and forth what book to start on next. I have not read JR Ward's Covet. Same author of my beloved summer reads, and the Black Dagger Brotherhood.. But it looks like I'm in this "faith & hope" kick. I chose to read a book the hubby bought last week: (snagged it before him as he is reading The Road now).
Hubby has read Mitch Albom's books, (Tuesdays with Morrie, For One More Day, and The Five People You Meet in Heaven) but I have never read them yet. So far, it's a nice "true" story about life's purpose and
losing belief and finding it again.. I'm already half way through and enjoying it.
I was hoping to get some digi scrappin in today.. but it looks like hubby has the District 9 movie. So that's what I'll do instead. Enjoy your Tuesday...
T'was the night before Christmas in The Barut Household...
and I swear if my kids ask me one more time if they can open a gift at midnight, I'm gonna hurt somebody! The kids are eagerly awaiting Christmas Morning... and in the past we've let them open one gift at midnight.. but this year, hubby is at work and he asked us to "wait" for him to get home in the morning. The kids refused and I "pinky-sweared" So here I am listening to the constant begging and pleading with me to just open one, even a little one they say... and I am trying very hard to tune them out.
My highlight of the day, a conversation with Ethan...
The kids are looking under the tree counting their presents. Caelan says, "Oh Ethan, look at this big gift I have under the tree, it's the biggest one here!" Isabel replies..."Looks like I have the most though!!!"
I turn and say, "Wow, look how fortunate you guys are, all those presents under the tree! I wouldn't complain, looks like I have just two!"
Ethan turns around and says, "Well mom, I can't wrap my gift of "Love" for you... it's too big for the stockings and to big to wrap!"
It was a nice, relaxing, and a sweat pants & T-Shirt kinda day... No fuss, just me and the kids enjoying a quiet day at home. This year we decided to just hang out at home and not go to anyone's home or have anyone over. I was bummed that hubby had to work today... but I can't remember a Thanksgiving he was home... I was just happy that he is on a day shift so he would be home by 8 pm. This year, I started cooking the night before... and I would totally do this again next year. I got all my cooking done by 6 am. (I took a cat-nap in between!) I ended up cooking a 20lb Turkey, two 18lb hams, and a bunch of sides. (One ham went to work with my hubby). My sides included ones that I've done year after year. My hubby loves the stuffing that we make with a combination of apples, sausages, & cranberries. Ethan's favorite is the Green Bean Casserole, and Izzy could just veg out on the Ham alone, which turned out amazing this year, tried soaking it in Coke this year as oppose to just cooking it in it. This year I tried a new recipe, Sweet Potato Casserole that I ended up devouring! As far as the pie, I ended up getting it at Village Inn and buying one there the day before... and it was AH-MAZING!!
I have to say I didn't stuff myself with the Turkey and all the fixings as much as I did that Sweet Potato Casserole alone. I'm not a big Turkey fan.. still wondering why I bought such a huge Turkey! But I do love it as a sandwich between a Kaiser roll topped with Alfa Sprouts and jellied cranberries! YUM! Now we are left with so much food!
While everyone was in their kitchen cooking, Izzy and I ventured out and played in the snow all day! I pulled her in the sled while I ran around the blocks and went to the big hill along the road. (What I really wanted to do was to go for a run and test out my studs, but I didn't want to leave her with her brother's today and she was looking forward just being with me). So we spent most of our day outside, which was really nice.
It had snowed quite a bit the night before Thanksgving... (Nothing like the day after though! We got another 6 or so!)
This is Izzy by the end of the day! She was just exhausted.
We went in to get some hot cocoa for her, Gingerbread coffee for me, and the oh so delicious Pumpkin Pie! We lounged around after watching movies. Little Rascals was on and she enjoyed it, "O-tay!" Soon enough, hubby was on his way home, and we ate another round of Turkey/Ham and all the fixings. It was a nice and relaxing day/evening.
Three Sweet, Loving, Entertaining, Humorous, Caring Children(most of the time) that may drive me up the wall some days, make me grin from ear to ear the next, teach me the value of patience, show me that love has no limits and is unconditional.
A man that continues to love & cherish me, A man who laughs with me (and at me), A man who works hard for his family, A man devoted to placing a smile on my face~everyday, A man that always asks "What do YOU want to do today?" on our days off, A man that supports me, my scrappin habits, my passion for all things photography, my "must-have-latest-gadgets" habit, my vampire-reading fetishes, and my non-stop blah, blah, blabber mouth :) That's a lot to put up with.
Internet. What can I say, I'm a tech-junkie.
Passion, Hobby & Work, Combined. It's a beautiful thing combined with hard work to have your passion become your work.
Alaska. Yup... and all it's negative temps, lengthy winter, darkness and all... It's a place we call home, a place my kids will remember the most, and a place that I will always have a special place in my heart.
"Ah-woo" Team Jacob... (Had to throw that in.. just had to) Saw New Moon this weekend.. and let's just say, I can't wait to see it again.
My iPhone. Didn't I just say, I'm a tech-junkie. Everyone I know, has one, is going to have one, or plain and simple, always had one.. Not really sure how you guys do without it!
American Eagle Sweaters... Comfort and Warmth, a great combo.
Girlfriends. Not sure what I would do without them...
My Health. I've never been so content with the outside of me like I am these days. (It's always a work in progress, still don't have those 6-pack abs) but I continue to challenge myself physically and loving the journey.
My Uggs. Uggs at first sight, were not the prettiest, but at first wear, I am in LOVE! I just need NEW ones.. "Dear Santa.. I just really want the same pair I have now, it's hard to find for some reason, but came across them at Journey's the other day, it's the "Ultra Short" pair, they have a more rugged bottom, and I totally understand they start at $180... but I need them!
Music. It's a great escape for me. I appreciate a good beat that I can run to for 8+ miles, or sing my heart out to in the car on that 15 minute drive to work, to ponder with, to pretend I'm in front of thousands of raving fans with... From the latest hip hop to good ol' country, smooth rock, R&B, or Hawaiian.. I love them all.
Books. I love to read. And it doesn't have to all be about vampires! I enjoy a good drama, love story, or biographies. Some of my all time faves were Kite Runner & A Thousand Splendid Suns.
TV & DVR's. Yup.. we are spoiled like that, aren't we? I love the comedy in The Office, Glee, and the super powers of Heroes, The Vampire Diaries, or Supernatural, and don't forget the suspense of all the CSI's.. and our new faves, Lie To Me and Fringe!
Coffee + Tea. Most mornings start with one or the other, either way, something warm.
Simplicity. I'm simple minded, tasks are kept simple, designs are always simple... simply stated, things don't have to be complicated.
Auto-Start. For obvious reasons, we live in the land of the Chosen Frozen. Its nice to sit in a warmed up car.
Sushi. And all Asian Cuisine really, but sushi is something I could eat all the time!
Sleeping in. Yes, I'm a night owl, so sleeping in is always a plus for me. I savor any extra hour or two I get.
Running. I never thought I'd say that. If you asked me to run even half a mile, or heck for 5 minutes a year ago, I'd say, yeah, right... But now it's like a drug.. I crave it, long for it, and when I'm in it, that is the real me with every stride, and I am in my element. It is by far, the most intense/insane sport combined. It keeps me fit, my muffin top tamed, and most of all, feeling a sense of accomplishment and another day seized.
And just all around Thankful for each day.. although there are days when things don't go my way, I am grateful for unexpected moments, because I'm a true believer that things happen for a reason.
My baby turns 14 today... (wow, where does time go?) What can I say... it's been an amazing, complicated, emotional, joyful, most rewarding journey thus far. I have (and still am) learning so much about life, parenting, and the art of picking your battles.
I don't have many friends with children that are teenagers, most of their kids are barely 5. (Could probably explain why I am so in awe of a fellow scrapbooker, Staci, whose got 5 kids, 3 of which are boys!) So a lot of these "motions" we are going through can be difficult to deal with. I know how to deal with crying babies, a fussy toddler, or a even pre-teens... but a teenager, that is an entirely new level. It's that age, where they struggle to find their identity and you want so much to steer them in the right path, well the path you know (because you've been there kind of thing) they should go in.. but they won't listen, cause as with most teenagers, being stubborn is a part of being 14, and you just have to sit back and watch them head down that road, crossing your fingers, hard lessons will be learned.
Lately, we've hit a couple of rough patches, and this is all just the beginning of changes that are headed our way and being in a situation we just don't have control over. He's had a hard time dealing with the thought that by the end of this school year, his life, as he knows it will change. But it's hard to tell a teenager, that sometimes "Life just sucks.. and it's not fair!" They can't accept that simple statement. They just don't see the brighter side to a tough situation. But we can just be there for him and let him know that I will always be there...
I have to say, aside from his teenage antics, we've done an amazing job raising this guy. I know because it shows when he's around new people, parents of other teens, his teachers, and his siblings (well sometimes).. For example, today, his sissy, spent hours drawing him and making him a birthday card while he was at practice... and he hugged her and hung it up on his room. She just about floated on cloud 9, knowing her big brother loved her work. Then you find something like this hanging in Ethan's class:
"Who wants to be like his big brother, Caelan..." If he only knew, just how much this will mean to him one day... His little brother, who he may think is a pest at times, just adores him to pieces..
So I get it... (somedays I do) this teenage thing, it's hard to remember that I was once there too. And there are days, I have to remember I am THE PARENT and we aren't just BFF's... There are times, I have to enforce and remind him of the rules and importance of school and good grades and he may roll his eyes then shut the door to his room. But that's a teenager for you. I'm still learning as I go, we both are, just like that one defining moment, where I hung on to him sitting on the kitchen floor, in our first home in California, barely 19, crying my eyes out in sheer frustration at being a teenager, with an almost 2 year old, living hundreds of miles away from home without mom's help, as he clung on to me, wiping my tears away, "mommy, you kay?"
Caelan @ fourteen. Carefree. Freshmen at Bartlett. Loves Symphonic Band, sitting at the highest chair as a Freshmen. Amazing at playing the Clarinet. Sweet-Onion Chicken Teriyaki from Subway, is his fave. Wide-eyed and curious. Sensitive. In-Love. Texting-King with his Blackberry Curve. Devours, Haagen Daazs, Chocolate Ice cream and often wonders why they are so small. Adores his parents (that's the way I see it). Helpful (when need be, or asked to, several times) :) Enjoys Highschool. Confident. (not so much in school work, though,hmm.) Can be quite cocky, Mr. Know It All. Smart. Thinks Lebron James is "da bomb". Loves Basketball, with some pretty good plays too. Has a shoe fetish. An American Eagle Shopper. Could eat Cocoa Crispies as a late night snack everynight. Short, but sweet. Moody. Creative. Loves to draw and is good at it. Musically inclined. (guitar, clarinet, drums, a piece of sticks.. he will make music out of nothing). Goofy. Loving.
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His game last night, was (as the teenagers would say) "Off da hook!" *Note to self, invest in a HD Video Camera... But he found this pretty entertaining, not that he needed that boost for his already blown up ego!
For the past few days, I've been sat on my desk with both the desktop and laptop, both Photoshop and Lightroom and multi-tasking!!! All that hard work and FOCUS has paid off, as I am wrapping up our Spooktacular Event Photos. In between staying focused to finish this task at hand, taking the kids to games and practices, I've also made the time and effort to exercise in between. Despite the colder temperatures, I've been enjoying my runs.
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Last week, my Izzy received an award for the First Quarter of school for "Enthusiastic Learning"..
This week is the Parent Teacher Conferences and a short week for the kids... I'm actually really excited, more of the idea that I will get to sleep in past 5 am on Friday!
I'm also looking forward to this weekend, I took the weekend off, same weekend hubby is off.. to just "be". I am looking forward to a relaxing weekend with the family. There will be no business/working this weekend. Just the five of us (probably the neighborhood kids too) hanging out. Wondering if this warm front will hold to actually have a decent Halloween?
"There are some things you learn best in calm, and some in storm" ~ Willa Cather
When I decided to take on this adventure in The World of Photography,
The one thing that grabbed my attention is to be able to "work" from home. I mean, it's like the best of both worlds, right? I have the opportunity to venture and take hold of my passion and all the meanwhile, be here for the kids and tend to the house..
Working from home is great, but it's not exactly what you might imagine it to be.
(Exhibit A, my so called office, after a weekend of working and not being home... complete chaos!)
Yes, it's quite fab to be able to work in your PJ's or sweats, handy to throw in a load of laundry, in between editing photos, convenient to start on your Pot Roast meal while placing orders. BUT, if you're not careful, it's very easy to BLUR the distinction between the two spheres, HOME and WORK... And when you do.. all you are left with is HOMEWORK...
HOMEWORK ... is rolling out of bed, waking up online, only to miss everything else that is going on in your household and soon enough, you've been working at "home" for the past 15 hours!
What I've had to learn (through some tough lessons) is that you have to be extremely FOCUSED to work from home because you MUST WORK... When the kids leave for the morning, I must head to my office (aka laundry room) and work and not give "home caring" another thought until my business is complete. This sounds easier than it really is.. It's been a few years and I I've realized that this requires DISCIPLINE. It's hard to not want to "pick-up" the house before settling down to work. (Especially if you've got an entire week's worth of laundry piled on your sofa, waiting for you to fold them!)
In the past couple of months, I feel like I'm slowly distinguishing between the two.. but there are days when I do take more on than I can handle. Mainly because my work week is not structured into a 5 days a week, with an 8 hour shift. My office is ALWAYS OPEN... So since the "OFFICE" is always open, its easy to hop downstairs when the kids have settled to bed and "finish up". Weekends have become to easy to play "catch up". Eventually my days have no distinctions, and then all you end up is one big sinkhole. Then the realization that you really no longer have a life at home...
Working from home can be an amazing experience once we honor the sense of BALANCE. And that word, seems to be the key word for me.
T'was one of those Sundays... that make me long for more Sundays like these.
Often I work on Sundays. I schedule a lot of my shoots on those days,being at work at the store on Saturdays, Sundays seem like a good day for the client and myself. But often I miss those type of Sundays where I'm nestled under my sheets, with my little Izzy snuggled next to me, with no where to be at any particular time, and just being...
I love waking up to her crawling into our bed. But this particular morning, hubby headed off to work at 5 am, so it was nice to feel her warm little body next to mine. I selfishly love the fact that she still loves to crawl into our bed especially when hubby is away.
We cooked one of her favorite breakfast dishes, pancakes and sausages. On the contrary like most people, I rarely cook breakfast on the weekends... it's usually Eggo Waffles or Cereal, because I cook massive breakfast meals Mondays thru Fridays. So this was an extra special treat :) But this time, I let Izzy help out since it wasn't 5 am :)
She loves to "flippy-floppy" the pancakes. I made regular pancakes and chocolate chip (because Izzy is not too fond of chocolate, huh? and prefers hers with fresh cut strawberries!) Ethan had Jeremy over all weekend (notice how they both have their cell phones on the table next to them? I guess they don't want to miss a text! LOL!) And Caelan... still asleep of course!
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Today we headed out to Keri's for (the not so little anymore) Edyn's 3rd Birthday. I still can't believe she turned 3! I literally was there for her "birth"day... So to see this little "diva" on her 3rd birthday was extra special for me.
Isabel had a great time reuniting with Brynn!
And I've missed this chick.. seeing one another has become even more of challenge with both of us working and the kids in school now... the days turn into weeks and the weeks roll into months before we realize we haven't seen one another.
I love their place in Southport.. it would definitely be a place where I would love to buy a home and settle. Their home is always welcoming and cozy (we even enjoyed outdoors with the fire-pit)...
There's something all too familiar about this 13 (oh excuse me "almost 14" which he would quickly interrupt me just to correct me), teenager living in our house.
His mannerisms, his mood swings that seem to give way to the dark side of him one minute, only to reveal a softer side, the next, the way he carries himself, his "quick to talk" temper, the "it's all about me" perspective he has, in which he feels the world should revolve around him, 24/7 that seem to trigger memories of a 13ish year old teenagegirl who was quick to speak to her parents once, to belittle her big brother, and who absolutely believed that world should revolve around her even when she slept.
Their stories are quite similar, she understands him, and what it's like to be a teenager. But her teenage years began 18 years ago and times have changed quite a bit since then. So how could she possibly make him believe that she understands him and what it's like to be 13. Every time, she attempts to say, "when I was your age.." it's immediately followed by the rolling of the eyes and a deep sigh...
Her time, 1990. 13 (almost 14) year old Ronalyn Artienda, walked around the halls of Farrington High School with her 10 other girlfriends that she has pretty much known since kindergarten. Laughing, yelling, giggling, walking around with their heads held high, thinking "this is the life". School has just started, but she already knew what the plans were for after school, drama club, then meeting up with her girlfriends after. There was no need to ask for permission, because she knows, she will go no matter what.
Highschool seemed to be the pinnacle of her life. And her friends seem to be center of her world. Doing whatever she wanted to do and whenever she wanted to do. Lord forbid, you ask her to do something that's not a part of her daily regime, would result in a teenage-temper tantrum, followed by a selfish attitude, that justified her "my way or the highway" attitude. At this single moment, this is all that mattered to this 13, excuse me, almost 14 year old teenage girl.
She looks over at him, to what was once, a needy 2 year old hanging on to her ankles crying out for her to hold him, while she tried to wash the dishes, with the sound of "Steve" from Blues Clues, blaring from the TV.
Flash forward, he's slouching on the sofa, in his Nike shorts that are way too big on him, but he likes his boxers to show, and his blackberry in hand texting back and forth to what seems to be his "million" friends that love to text every little thing:
"Hey, I'm eating, how about you?" "I'm just sitting here" "I'm watching TV"
Seriously? Who cares? But I guess at this age, it's important to be on the know 24/7. I try to give him space and try to be understanding when he gives me attitude. But there are days, we literally butt-heads.
I struggle with trying to teach him the things my mother only hoped I would realize one day. (Like there is so much more in life then your friends). Now that I know what she meant, when she said, "you'll understand one day, when you have children of your own.." I want to steer him in the right directions all the time, not wanting him to slip, fearing consequences for him. But lately, I've been laying low, and letting him make some of his own decisions and I know some will come back to bite him in the rear. But, I have to let him live, and learn from his own mistakes. If I keep picking up after him, I know he will never learn. The thing is we are more alike than we both would like to admit. He'll never see it that way. To him, I'm the "mom", the adult, what the heck would I know about being a teenager. Ugh, if he only knew, sometimes, I still feel like a teenager stuck inside an adult body. We butt- heads simply because of that fact. We've always had this amazing connection, that probably stems from me having him at such a young age that we practically raised one another along the way. The downside is, he really knows how to push my boundaries and which buttons to push to make me react the way I do. The same goes for him. This either results in laughter or sheer frustration. And lately, frustration leads 3-1.
His "wise-cracks" and self absorbed antics, are one I know all to well. (And if my brother had a say in this blog, he will agree 100%). But it took me a long time and a few children of my own to realize"I wish I listened to my mother more" and to finally admit, my mother was right all along. And oh, how I wish I could have do-over sometimes, I'd be a sweeter teenager. (*Note: all this reminiscing about my teenager years will unfold to some great journaling and srap pages ahead as the result of Brad Paisley's song, Letter To Me).
