Grateful & Intentional.
Everything I need to be happy is already contained in this present moment...
There is a sense of "quiet gratitude" that I feel deep in my soul and in my heart. I love who I am at this very moment. I love who I am becoming. And I love the people I am sharing these moments with. I don't know how else to explain it but to say that I am in a place where I love the solitude, the quieting of my mind, and just surrounding myself with my loved ones. These days I am choosing to remain present, to go through these days with intention, while practicing gratitude.
Connected & Impermanent.
Lately, I've found myself enthralled with learning about the universe but also finding ways to connect to the ones I've lost. Somedays you may find me listening to a podcast about the cosmos and reiterating words like Higgs Boson, Dark Matter, Black Holes, Gravitational Waves.. the list goes on and on. All while searching for my roots, more specifically anything about my parents. I've been trying to find out more about my father and his life to find a sense of connection.
Hence this blog/journal. I've been feeling this strong pull to continue the writing, even if it's in short spurts or a long rant. I have to get back to the reason I started this blog back in 2006, 16 years ago!!! I started this to keep an online journal, to share pieces of my life through the creative world, which at the time was scrapbooking. Those days are long gone for me, but I often find myself scrolling through my own words, smiling, laughing, and remembering. These words will eventually reach my children, grandchildren, and great-great-grandchildren when they want to do a deep dive into their roots. If I could turn back time, I would get over my selfish teenage self and ask my dad about his life, how did he grow up, who did he admire, what inspired him, what did he want to be, did he live the life he's always wanted... I have so many questions that I'll NEVER get to ask him. That will always leave this hole in my heart with so many questions and zero answers. But I want my children, their children, and so forth to know who I am, where I came from and my random thoughts in this lifetime.
During my time spent learning about the universe, or closing my eyes in meditation, I know that everything in life is impermanent. I'm gonna make the most of it while I'm here.