Everyday Epiphanies

A Muddled Mood.

Life has seemed a little muddled and my focus has been a bit foggy.

Is it ironic how my mood has been reflecting the weather or is it the weather reflecting my mood?

As usual, the end of the year dives deep into reflection. It is a time to decide what's really worth your energy. Either I'm just burnt out or simply put I'm not where I should be. As I prepare for this final season, I am contemplating what I really want to keep in my life and what to let go of. I'm realizing that there are certain things that give me utter joy and others debilitating anxiety. I've wrestled with the thought that maybe I just have "off" days that seem to shine a light on those days when I don't feel like myself the most. But as of late, I'm finding that I'm starting to become the person I said I would not become. One that complains more than being grateful. 

At times of "unrest", I'm so quick to react to my emotions without really diving into what is the core of this turmoil. I know that something has got to give and like a rubber band that keeps being stretched to its limit, it's gonna break. 

December Reflections: 01-04

I've always loved these photo-a-day challenges and back when I scrapbooked, I lived for these prompts! I came across this one from another fellow scrapbooker who was participating.  It's from Susannah Conway and her Instagram 

Here are Days 01-03

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01. Here I Am
02. Favourite Mug
03. Best Book of 2022 (Well, what I'm currently reading)

As far as the animal, I'm still thinking about it. It is a toss-up between a cat (a stealthy, mischievous, on her 6th life, a little grumpy, yet cuddly kind of cat) to something that could fly (owl, hawk, butterfly) with the ability to fly high and soar with the wind. I'm sure the thought will creep up on me in when I least expect it.

But for now, it's been a long day of work. I am currently working with a Beauty & Wellness Spa that required me to do some research. Who knew that being a graphic designer would require daily use of google.com?  I have learned so much about various facials such as Hydrafacial or Chemical Peels. And people are doing Vitamin IV drips now? The more you know! 

 

Homebody.

"Being a homebody isn't about holing up in your home; it's about becoming whole." 

This was my view during our Thanksgiving Week (well a few days off) and I surely enjoyed every minute of it! Long weekends just reaffirm my love for being home and staying put! Covid-19. Need I say anymore? An introvert's dream come true! 

I am a homebody. And I am very happy to be one, honestly.

I simply LOVE being home. I'm not exactly a hermit, although it appears that way to people but to me, it's more about becoming whole. As an introvert, well as an INFJ I am often referred to as the Extroverted Introvert. I do appear (at work) to be extroverted because I do have a general interest in people with a desire to always make them feel comfortable (probably due to me being highly empathetic and suffering from a high-functioning anxiety-not the best combination). But as a creative + introvert, I love being at home. It's a place where my cup is filled and a place to rejuvenate. So at the end of a long day at work week, I cannot wait to run the heck out of there just to get in my jammies, and veg out while watching TV with my husband.  

I really just enjoy the comfort of my home with the people I love. It is my sanctuary and every minute I get to bask in it is a win! So, as I get (mentally) prepared for the week (my Sundays usually consume me with dread aka, The Sunday Scaries) I will continue to sit here with a cup of coffee enjoying the last bit of the weekend and indulging in some self-care. 

Grateful. Intentional. Connected. Impermanent.

Grateful & Intentional.

Everything I need to be happy is already contained in this present moment...

There is a sense of "quiet gratitude" that I feel deep in my soul and in my heart. I love who I am at this very moment. I love who I am becoming. And I love the people I am sharing these moments with. I don't know how else to explain it but to say that I am in a place where I love the solitude, the quieting of my mind, and just surrounding myself with my loved ones. These days I am choosing to remain present, to go through these days with intention, while practicing gratitude. 

Connected & Impermanent. 

Lately, I've found myself enthralled with learning about the universe but also finding ways to connect to the ones I've lost. Somedays you may find me listening to a podcast about the cosmos and reiterating words like Higgs Boson, Dark Matter, Black Holes, Gravitational Waves.. the list goes on and on. All while searching for my roots, more specifically anything about my parents. I've been trying to find out more about my father and his life to find a sense of connection. 

Hence this blog/journal. I've been feeling this strong pull to continue the writing, even if it's in short spurts or a long rant. I have to get back to the reason I started this blog back in 2006, 16 years ago!!! I started this to keep an online journal, to share pieces of my life through the creative world, which at the time was scrapbooking. Those days are long gone for me, but I often find myself scrolling through my own words, smiling, laughing, and remembering. These words will eventually reach my children, grandchildren, and great-great-grandchildren when they want to do a deep dive into their roots. If I could turn back time, I would get over my selfish teenage self and ask my dad about his life, how did he grow up, who did he admire, what inspired him, what did he want to be, did he live the life he's always wanted... I have so many questions that I'll NEVER get to ask him. That will always leave this hole in my heart with so many questions and zero answers. But I want my children, their children, and so forth to know who I am, where I came from and my random thoughts in this lifetime. 

During my time spent learning about the universe, or closing my eyes in meditation, I know that everything in life is impermanent. I'm gonna make the most of it while I'm here. 

Seeking Growth.

The more I get to "Know Thyself" by reconstructing the values in my life that make me happy or feel at peace. I ask myself:

• What values will make you happy?
• What activities do I find great passion in that bring me pure joy?
• What kinds of activities, experiences, and people cause me to feel deeply engaged or connected?

Having answered these questions, I began to do a bit of excavating into my life and how I want to spend the rest of my days. Moments of epiphany sit with me as I find a greater purpose and clarity. I begin to feel the alignment between what I value in my life versus what leaves me depleted with negative energy at the end of the day. This realization has given me a sense of balance and contentment to the point where I know what kind of "vibe" I want to allow in my day to day and to choose wisely who I surround myself with. 

Unfortunately, it gets harder before it gets easier. Outgrowing people, places and jobs are uncomfortable. I'll take little steps to place what gives me peace and makes me happy above the things that do not by removing people, things, and places that bring me negative energy.  Sometimes it feels like I'm giving up, but it's about self-care and choosing to reduce the weight of the unhealthy values and placing greater weight on the side of the scale that holds your new values. 

I will continue to push through the growing pains. The need to please, prove, or perform will be replaced with self-inspired experiences that finally feel right to me. I think it's easy to do as we are told, to not ruffle any feathers, and live this clear-cut life. But life is unfolding the way it should be, things happen for a reason, and sometimes seeking growth will be painful. 

 

 

2022 Know Thyself

New word.
New Year.
New Intention.
When contemplating my word for the year, the word "Self" kept coming to me. 

Self-Discovery, Self-Awareness, Self-Love, Self-Appreciation...

At the end of 2021, I slowly tried to dive in and turn inwards. I strived to become less reactionary and learned to pause, to sit in silence, and reassess. In doing so, it has helped me stand back from a situation and ask myself, "Am I just leaning into old habits, or is there something to learn and how do I move forward? That has taught me how to shift my energy and place it into things that matter the most. This year will be about turning inward and the journey to self-actualization. (self-awareness, self-love, self-truth). Being mindful, being present, being me.

Knowing yourself and turning inward is all about cultivating a relationship with yourself. It is about becoming strong and resilient in these changing times and unchartered territories. It is time to examine how we carry ourselves out into the world and what we react to. Inward is the place of improved active listening when others communicate and when they don’t articulate. Inward is also the person with whom you will have the longest relationship on this earth. Why not treat her well?

I've been loving Reels on IG and had to jump on the trending 2021 Recap Reel:

 

 

Pandemic, Painting, & Pandemonium.

January 2022 came roaring in nothing short of pandemic fashion! I had a January 2022 draft saved with the intention of sharing my word of the year and what it means to me, which I will get to. But as per pandemic life, shit happens and I am trying to sit in silence allowing for clarity and reasoning. 

For now, some quotes are sitting heavy with me at the moment:

• Sometimes starting again is the win you've been waiting on.
• Never lose your sense of worth because others have failed to see it.
  There are so many people you've yet to meet that will appreciate you.
• May you find the courage to let go of whatever you need to release and the boldness to pursue what will give you life.

For now, I'm turning towards my creative being to find that solitude that my mind longs for. I am completely inspired by the many artists on Instagram, mimicking styles, techniques, and finding what feels right. I've learned that it's rare to be able to create your own style right off the bat, even after you’ve looked at other works. It helps to try to imitate an artist you love, so you can find out in the process just what’s going on — you begin to think like they do, to see things through their eyes.

“You don’t want to look like your heroes, you want to see like your heroes.”— Austin Kleon

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I'm realizing it's not so much something I create, but something I uncover and cultivate along the way. It’s embedded in the process, and that includes all the detours and apparent mistakes, quite like our path in this thing called life.

Live In The Moment.

"Living your life consciously and being aware that each moment you breathe is a gift is how to live in the moment."

This is my ideal Friday night, clocking out for the weekend and heading home to my hubby, the dogs, and the kids is the best feeling!

The idea of “Living In the Moment” has inspired a lot of motivational posters and T-shirts but how do you begin to fully adapt this concept to your daily humdrum life? For me living in the moment takes practice, learning to focus, and manage my energy to the present moment is a constant struggle. The toughest challenge was learning to quiet the mind. I started with getting rid of one of my biggest distractions, my iPhone. I found myself glued to my phone. It was on while I ate, in the bathroom, and as I sat and watched TV. Don't get me wrong, I haven't completely unplugged, but I am definitely conscious of when I am using it.

While learning to be in the moment, I've been more aware of my surroundings. I love "unplugging" and sitting outside on my patio enjoying the sound of the birds in the distance and the rustling of the wind through the trees. I've come to find little moments that make my heart happy. Once, while walking through the Saturday market, a man was playing music and yelled over to a gentleman complimenting his smile and reminding people to live in gratitude. 

Learning to live in gratitude has been key. I awake with a thankful heart even on the days when it's tough to get up. The simple joy of being able to get out of bed and get ready for a job I enjoy is more than enough to be thankful for. There were days I often worried or wondered how we'd make it to the next payday, I never stopped being grateful for what we currently have.

"With a heart full of gratitude of mind full of peace, it's how should live and how you should be.." - Londrelle

 

Cosmic Energy In Full Force

*08.10.2021 @ 8:40pm

I can still feel the cosmic energy from our New Moon of our 8.8 Lion's Gate Portal. I feel like I've unraveled another layer of "me" that I have just discovered, feeling more myself than ever before, and it sparked energy in me to reset or restart. My awareness of self (more on this later) is on a deeper level as I navigate through old wounds, patterns, which can be uncomfortable but necessary in growth. My dreams have been vivid and just like the Lion's Gate portal, these dreams seem to be a portal through symbolism, past lives, and gentle reminders. 

Changing, Evolving & Growing are all part of moving forward. I know that growth cannot exist without releasing old thoughts, behaviors, and habits. I've stepped back and closed doors in order to focus on myself and it's been the best decision to finally create the space I need for "me."

Evolve Or Repeat.

Evolve Or Repeat.

It’s all about the work for me:

• Turning inwards and recognizing old patterns
• Acknowledging your flaws & fears and being gentle with them.
• The commitment to honor yourself and you are becoming
• Speaking and standing with your truth, unapologetically.

The discovery of self is ongoing, it's been so incredibly empowering, heart-opening, and soul-shattering to really recognize the childhood traumas that I’ve conditioned myself to avoid. The silencing, the reservation, the people-pleasing. To understand why I’m such a woman’s woman, why I’m reserved and solid in my being, why I’m protective and motherly, why I can be so stubborn and hide being humorous and giving and why I have no fucking clue how to receive.

If I've learned anything these past few years is that, stepping into yourself is such a vital key to becoming a better version of yourself. 

So join me on this journey we call life, the discovery of self, shedding the old, unraveling childhood traumas,  speaking and standing firm in our truth.